by Jeremy Smith
Illicit sex and over-the-top orgies. Hidden drug stashes and vengeful blackmail. Underhanded manipulation and hush-hush murder. All in a day's work for the ver-industrious students, teachers and administrators at Harvard University.
Such at least is the premise of the naughty thriller "The Student Body," a tragic tale of what happens when a nice little ivory tower gets all mixed up with the big, bad, real world of money, power and sex -- lots and lots of sex. In this novel, the fiction begins even before the first page with the author's name: Jane Harvard is a pseudonym for four true-to-life graduates of the university who apparently decided the Harvard name on their resume just wasn't enough.
Leading the book's good guys and gals is gutsy Harvard Crimson news reporter Toni Isaacs, a thoroughly empowered black women with a sharp mind, steely determination, uncanny instinct -- and great bod to boot. At her side is one of literature's most diverse group of sidekicks (remember the days when Nancy Drew's daring George and cautious Bess were the height of variety?): Latina roommate and net freak Chelo Santana; monied heir and possible lover interest Cabot Winthrop; and bisexual Vietnamese pal with a secret to hide Nguyen Van Minh. All four boast hormone levels as high as their SAT scores, not to mention pesky allergic reactions to long periods without undress. And these are the straight arrows of "The Student Body."
Acting on a tip that some of her fellow students may be working as prostitutes, Toni quickly uncovers a Harvard more bacchanalian than Puritan at its core. From the prim and proper dean of students to the extremely creative employees of biotech startup Biotecnica to the well-manicured members of the Harvard Investment Portfolio Committee, our intrepid investigator finds plenty of powerful people with a lot to lose if her story gets out. Soon her comrades are in trouble, her life is in danger and -- perhaps most perilous of all -- her homework is starting to pile up. For her friends, for herself and for her GPA (I think this may be a loose translation of Harvard's motto), Toni needs to find the truth and find it fast.
The sordid fun ride that follows is a generally enjoyable skewering of the heights of intellectual pretension, the depths of sexual perversion and the all-too-small middle ground separating the two. Interestingly enough, the sharpest and most enjoyable passages come not in the workmanlike unraveling of the mystery, but in the perceptive social commentary slipped between the book's very busy sheets. From the absurdities of "Freshman Week Racial Assessment Period," where new students must instantly pigeonhole themselves with a single group or face stern rebuke from their peers, to the ironies of modern finance, where the quality (or even existence) of a company's product bears little relationship to the fortune of its stock price, Jane Harvard's broad take on modern academia and America rings true.
As perceptive as the book's general observations may be, however, a hook is still a hook, and Harvard makes sure to ground her story in, well, Harvard. From popular late-night pizza places to undesirable housing locations, the settings of "The Student Body" should be familiar to anyone well-acquainted with the Cambridge scene. Then, of course, there are the locals: Rich or poor, black or white, good or evil, they've all got that singular mix of uncanny acumen, unadulterated ambition and unbridled arrogance that has stood Harvard in good stead for nearly four centuries. In this trite-but-true bunch, homosexual hookers vie with teenage ministers for moral high ground, pampered bluebloods buddy up with first-generation immigrants, and the do-it-all hero splits her time working undercover as a call girl and reading "Don Quixote" in the original Spanish. (And to think some wonder how Harvard holds onto that US News & World Report top ranking year after year.)
If anything, though, one wishes Harvard had chosen to name-drop less and flesh out more. A truly satisfying thriller builds its enigmatic structure on a foundation of simple, logical acts and consistent, fully developed characters, and Harvard doesn't quite deliver on the latter. The major figures remain either unsatisfyingly incomplete or frustratingly contradictory at the novel's end, and this dissatisfaction and frustration is the work's chief failing.
That said, this is not a genre renowned for either its stylistic sophistication or profound philosophizing. Bottom line: Is the book distracting enough to guide the weary traveler safely through a three-hour plane flight, entertaining enough to beat out the latest People magazine double issue, and outrageous enough to make even the most open-minded readers blush their way through the juicy parts? In short -- and with sincere apologies to People -- yes. While stronger characters and subtler plotting would transform an enjoyable text into an excellent one, Harvard still does what it takes to get the job done.
The fabulously fiendish get-rich-quick scheme of the novel's evil mastermind (herself an exuberant creation equal parts rapacious and curvaceous) deserves especial credit. Suffice it to say that few readers' vision of romantic chemistry will go unchallenged. Better yet, "The Student Body" pleases even after the reading proper is complete, since at least half the fun is in recounting choice plot elements to others. Finally, there's the simple voyeuristic rush of watching high-and-mighty Harvard sink so very, very, low. It's a cheap thrill -- akin to snapping a vacation picture with your arm around a life-size cardboard cutout of the president -- but a thrill nonetheless.
Will "The Student Body" entice you even if you don't care a whit about the nations' oldest university? Well, probably not. But if you're looking for iniquity amongst the Ivies, you can do far worse than to take a troll through Harvard Yard.
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